On the inside looking out...tales from an introvert

I scarcely think that anyone can understand the life of an introvert without actually being one.  I have always been, more or less, what some would call a loner.  As a child I was content spending hours in my room alone. One of my brothers would actally tease me for talking to myself while I was in my room.  In my defense, I wouldn't even realize I was talking outloud.
Personally, I don't feel that being introverted makes me anti-social.  I can interact with others. There is just a feeling of being very socially awkward most of the time. I have tried to force myself, on occasion, to attempt being more of a social butterfly. These fleeting moments have probably ending up making more than just me feel out of sorts.
As I grew older, I discovered that alcohol can make even a life long intovert more at ease around people. Coming from a familial lineage that includes more than one alcoholic and/or addict, the discovery of booze as a means to cope with social situations could not be good. There were a few years of frequently going out and being the life of the bar party. Naturally, these nights out were followed by mornings of wondering what all had transpired the night before. The feeling of morning regret turned to shame and wanting to withdraw further from the crowd. It was such a vicious cycle.
The years I worked in the world of mental health were perhaps a blessing in diguise.  I gained quite a bit of insight into why some of us function a little differently than others. I have finally come to terms with the fact that even though there might be a tiny extrovert sitting on one shoulder encouraging me to just get out there and talk to people, there is nothing wrong with preferring the slightly bigger intovert on the other shoulder telling me its okay to watch from a safe distance.

“I'm the type who'd be happy not going anywhere as long as I was sure I knew exactly what was happening at the places I wasn't going to. I'm the type who'd like to sit home and watch every party that I'm invited to on a monitor in my bedroom."
-Andy Warhol-